On Letting Go
Earlier this week, I did one of my favourite meditations. At 10 minutes in length, it’s short and sweet, but always brings me clarity in times of confusion and unrest.
Just as you might get a new takeaway when you re-read a favourite book or connect differently to a favourite song, I found a particular line stood out to me from the meditation this time around — “let go of your bitterness”. After the meditation was done, I lay in the dark, really thinking about this phrase. And in classic “me” nature, I decided to write about it.
Over the past couple weeks, some things happened that were outside of my control. I’m usually quite good at dissociating or compartmentalizing — separating myself from the situation — but I found that these events weighed more heavily on me than normal. I worked it up in my mind and wrongly feigned belief that I could control it — in hindsight, I can see that this only brought me grief.
Sometimes I’m disappointed by the way I’ve acted or reacted. But it can be really tough to always practice what you preach. Life happens, we all have bad days, and it can be exhausting — we’re only human. It’s tough to be “good” and respond the “right” way every. damn. time. At times, I’ve seen myself hold onto bitterness and have allowed my emotions to get the best of me. As much as I hate the feeling, those moments — the ones in which I succumb to my emotions — have taught me so much about being vulnerable and that it’s OK to do so. I’m learning (over and over again…) that being vulnerable isn’t a weakness, it’s actually strength. Being vulnerable can take more strength than strength itself.
Nobody likes not getting their way, but it’s a fact of life. We can’t always get what we want — heck, we’re lucky if we get what we want even half the time. But we are able to control how we react when we don’t get what we want. Instead of responding with bitterness (outwardly or passively), we can respond with grace and ease.
I’m learning to let go of my bitterness, but also to be OK with being vulnerable enough to occasionally embrace the feeling for a short amount of time — it’s about finding the middle-ground. It’s OK to not get it right every time, it’s OK to make mistakes. But holding onto bitterness and negativity is a choice.