State of Mind
My heart is heavy today with news of my home country being under attack. To lessen the stress and anxiety I’ve been feeling today, I resorted to what always does the trick for me — movement and meditation; a mental health walk to get some fresh air, a couple meditations to calm and clear my mind, and two short workouts to get my body moving and keep my mind temporarily distracted.
It was a strange day and I was in my head a lot today, picturing what it would be like for us here to wake up to bombings one morning — a horrific thing to even think about, let alone live it out. I felt out of sorts today and emotional, seeing the place where my family has roots torn apart.
Today I watched more news than I possibly ever have before — all day I had it on in the background. Usually, I don’t read or watch the news much, as I find it’s a source of negativity I don’t want in my everyday life, and thus, I try to limit my exposure to it — call it ignorant if you’d like, but it helps keep me sane, so I’m not inundated by a ticker of bad news each day. But today, I couldn’t stay away — I needed to know what was happening, every development.
My evening walk today took me to the library (naturally), where I randomly plucked a book off the shelf to take home with me — its title is Getting to Center and that’s exactly what I felt I needed in that moment. As life would have it, sometimes a book comes to you when you need it most. I’ve only read the intro so far, but in it the author says, “I wrote this to be less alone in my mind, to connect with you”. That’s exactly why I write and that’s what I’m doing here today — I write to connect with others, in an attempt to help them process their own thoughts by seeing them down on paper, but it’s also to help me feel “less alone in my mind”.
Last month, in January, I committed myself to a full month of meditating and moving every day — no exceptions. This was a part of Melissa Wood’s “Jan Plan,” encouraging her community to commit to their practice (both physically and mentally) every day, for a month straight. I successfully completed 31 straight days of meditating and exercising. Sometimes it was at 5am, sometimes it was at 10pm, but I got it in, every day — no exceptions. The way I felt each day was remarkable and I approached any bump in the road with more patience and grace, as a result.
This month, even before today, I’ve noticed myself starting to get stressed more easily and to have anxious tendencies that I typically don’t — this is directly linked time-wise to when I started pulling away from my daily meditation + movement habit. Beyond the physical benefits of exercise, I’ve been missing the mental elements of it more so — the moments of peace, the moments of attention for myself, the moments of appreciation for my body and its abilities, the frequent exposure to a comforting, calming voice, often first thing in the morning. These moments are how I find my sanity — how I come back to a stable and peaceful state of mind.
Whether it’s being lead through a workout or a guided meditation, Melissa has quite literally become the voice in my head and influences the type of self-talk I engage in with myself. It’s no secret that our thoughts directly influence how we approach what happens to us. I think I’ve felt these anxious tendencies creep up this month, as I haven’t done as good of a job lately of prioritizing my own physical and mental health — and the words I hear (or don’t) first thing in the morning, absolutely influence my outlook on how the rest of the day unfolds.
As is often said, look at the five people you spend the most time with — they will be telling of your life overall. While I don’t actually “spend time” with Melissa, she graces my laptop screen most days and has had a direct positive impact on how I approach my days. She is such a positive light. She has genuinely changed my life and bettered the relationship I have with myself.
Her practice perfectly complements the self-improvement journey I am on and have been on for the past few years. In so many other areas of my life, my default is go-go-go, go as fast as you can, don’t slow down — and what her practice brings to me is a moment to slow down, both mentally and physically. And lord knows, we could all use some more of that these days.
When I compare last month to this one — when I was showing up daily to my practice — I see how necessary it was for me to insert these moments of calm into my days and weeks, especially on days when it feels like those moments are impossible to find. January was the busiest month of my career thus far and honestly, I think this commitment to myself mentally and physically is what carried me through it. Being able to look back and compare the past two months, I’ve seen what a difference it makes when I choose to prioritize myself vs. when I fail to do so. When I choose to, I have better, healthier self-talk, am more in-tune with myself, do a better job of slowing down, have more trust in my body and its abilities, learn to notice my breath, and just feel good all around.
As I wrote at the start, I write to connect with others, but also to feel “less alone in my mind”. It starts with being vulnerable and honest with yourself. Let’s be there for each other when we need it most, so that we don’t have to feel alone in our own minds — share what’s on your mind with others, as it’s likely others’ minds are filled with similar thoughts.
Take time for yourself and encourage others to do the same, no matter how troubling these days seem. You will thank yourself for giving yourself the space to settle.
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For those with loved ones in Ukraine, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your families — may there be more peace in the world soon.